Finding eachother

A few things prompted this post… I think one of the most difficult aspects of living a lifestyle outside of the typical is finding a partner! If you look through the blog landscape you see lots of posts about either the hunt or the problems with establishing a real relationship.

The comment specifically asked about how to find and identify a dominate man. A post on Tumblr by BeautifulStranger (Take a second and read this post please) addressed this topic and while I don’t agree 100% with what she has to say, she is rather spot on.

Is he a dom?

Instead of trying to rattle off a list of things to look for, I’ll give a few examples that may not be so obvious right off the bat.

It’s just fucking lunch!

Lunch time at the office. Someone will suggest we go out for lunch. Soon its decided that a small group will be going to lunch together, but where?

If I just let things play out someone will say let’s go here, it won’t be met with great support, someone will say we go there and it too won’t be met with great support. If left to their own devices everyone will make a suggestion and after about 15-30 minutes of debate a place will be chosen.

I don’t like taking control of the work place. I’m not the boss nor do I want to be the boss. I gain work satisfaction from being the best at my job, by blowing away expectations. IME management is more about playing politics and playing wet nurse to a bunch of narcissistic egotistical asswipes (yes I work in IT, lol). Rather than spend most of my time managing people I would rather produce tangible impacting results and solutions.

But sooner or later I just can’t stand the indecisive nature of “lets go to lunch” and “snap”.

Enough, let’s go, we’re going to X. Y your driving and Z your driving.

99 times out of 100 there is zero resistance to this. If anything there is a sense of relief in the group, the classic relief that the submissive dynamic rewards with.

Being nice doesn’t mean being a pussy

Speaking strictly in the m/f D/s dynamic here…

Treating a potential partner like she is a delicate flower, with kindness, consideration and respect is a good indicator you are dealing with a Dom.

Think about it for a second. You’re in a relationship with a woman that not only loves for you to throat fuck her to the point she passes out but she gets incredibly turned on by it. How could you not treat her like a delicate flower, your most precious gift.

There are degrees to this shit!

So ladies you’re submissive. I think everyone that knows anything about the D/s dynamic knows there are degrees to how and where a woman is submissive. On one end is the woman that wants to be completely controlled 24/7. On the other is the woman that just wants to be told what to do in bed.

The same can be said of a dominate man.

I hate to say it but its complicated and this element complicates it even more!

To throw more shit into the mix, its not a static thing. Not only will it vary from partner to partner but from day to day.

You wear my ass out!

I was with a girl for a few months before it just became too much for me. Her submissiveness came in the form of…

It started every morning (we weren’t living together) with a call or txt. She needed to be told to get out of bed, to shower, what products to use in the shower, how to do her hair, her makeup. What to wear and I don’t mean “one of your flower print summer dresses”. Oh no, it was every part, what bracelet to wear, ring, panties or no panties, etc. Rather to take lunch and if it was yes what to fix. What route to drive to work.

It went on like this all day. Frankly she needed to give up her aggressive career life and become a full time slave to a master with lots of time on his hands.

Take advantage of the technology available to you!

The Internet is revolutionizing the dating world! And not talking about SA or any app on your phone.

There are community based sites where you can find other compatible people, be it something dedicated like fetlife or Tumblr where communities tend to form around kinky groups.

Tumblr tips

For the ladies…

• Men are visual, which means you need to post some selfies of yourself if you’re looking!
• You don’t need to show your face unless you want to.
• You don’t need to do a porn shot. Nudes can hurt or help.
• Reblog things that you like, rather it be a sunset pic or a porn vid.
• Make text posts, turn your “ask” on. Block assholes, respond to nice people.
• Put a description of yourself, include your age, orientation, where in the world you are (careful not too specific, often just a state or region is enough), your age, your relationship status, your kink.
• TAG the shit out of your posts! Tags are how you search Tumblr, you want your match to find you so tag your shit!

There are a shit ton of fakes and abusive assholes on Tumblr looking for girls to exploit, be careful! Block or report those that don’t treat you with respect.

For the guys…

Just about everything that applies for the ladies applies for the guys too.

Lay off or simply don’t do it… dick pics. Seriously most girls never want a picture of your dick.

Go easy approaching girls, if you are just looking for sex, be up front, don’t play games.

SA tips

For the ladies…

• Clearly state your goals in joining the site! If you’re not really interested in compensation but are looking for a Dom, DD or Master say so.
• Use all the buzz words, even go to the extent of create a word list and put them at the bottom of the about you section as many men will search based off of key words like submissive, slave, little girl, dominate, etc.
• Lots of pictures! Include a good close up of your face, at least one that shows all of you. The sexier your pictures the more assholes are going to contact you. Your choice filter through them to find the highly sexual Dom. You can get away with a lot, its not uncommon to see topless and nudes in public photos, just don’t overboard.
• Take your time! The more time you spend talking before meeting the better the chances are you will find someone real.

For the guys

Again most of what goes for the girls goes for the guys.

• Remember most ladies looking for a Dominate type dynamic are not looking for a hookup or “strictly business”/NSA relationships. They are looking for the real deal, LTR.
• Real pictures boys! You don’t have to look like a GQ model, but put several pictures of yourself!