Submissive women

As I mentioned in my last post I have been attracting submissive women through all of this, not a single one that isn’t, not ONE!

So I am a natural born dominate, dominating friendships, leading teams and girl friends. I’m not a pushy control freak, I just get fed up with ineffective leaders and indecisive people and just take the lead and make something happen. In all my years I never really got all that into the kinky side of sex, and dominate/submissive was just kind of the way things always seemed to work out. Sometimes it was a simple as “Hey sweetheart where do you want to eat tonight? ” “I don’t know you pick please.”. But once I got to sugaring with my first Shannon, I started to learn about and explore this side of my personality and as it turns out just about every woman I have ever been with, lol.

So I’m no expert by any means, but I wanted to share my experiences and what I have learned. It seems like there is a ton of information on the subject but its pretty eclectic and a bit hard to digest. Most highly focused on one aspect of it and nothing else.

The first thing to understand is there are as many flavors of Dom/sub dynamics as there are couples. There are no hard and fast rules to how this all works. So I’m speaking in either general terms or speaking about a specific person I have experienced.

Submissiveness runs a very broad range, from Master/slave and “pet play” to someone who would just rather have her man take the lead. It can be limited to the bedroom only or 24/7/365 or all mixed up with some things in the bedroom only and others only outside the bedroom and still others only outside.

On my extreme end are Lauren, Jaclyn and Megan. Lauren was very mood dependent on what she wanted, everything from make her ass bleed from beating it to just tell her what to do sexually. Jaclyn I have just recently started seeing and she is brand new to this side of her desires, with myself being the first man to dominate her, but she is getting tied up at our next meeting. Megan was weird with her’s she would have been happy if I picked out her clothes to buy and wear, ordered her food and her orgasms. But she didn’t always want that and took offense if she wasn’t in the mood and never signaled when she was or wasn’t in the mood.

On the other end would be my current Shannon (there are more than one Shannon mentioned in this blog), who simply likes to be directed what to do in bed and is happy to ask for service too.

Must have information!

You as a SD you MUST understand that a submissive woman rather you even know it or not has submitted control to you, at some degree. When a woman submits and gives you control she is making a commitment to you that is beyond any mere romantic commitment. She is handing you EVERYTHING she is, can be and will be! It is a HUGE HUGE responsibility, be damn well prepared and committed BEFORE you accept in word or deeds her submission. Because of this level of giving a submissive woman becomes VERY VERY attached to you the Dominate. Breaking up tears them up big time.

The worst things you can do to a sub is express your dissatisfaction with her or shut her out, ignore her, shun her. This is important to know, as many subs take punishment as a form of play and pleasure, they take pleasure in serving you, pleasing you by taking the punishment, by pleasing you in any and all ways. So if you get into a fight and don’t talk to her all week you are killing her. So be careful you might be inflicting unintended pain.

Being dominate doesn’t mean being mean, pushy, nasty or a jerk or anything else like that. Okay sure some relationships have this element but its part of the play, but its just not the accepted way of things in most relationships. There is a very tinder and loving, caring aspect to this dynamic that is vital. If you don’t let her know after you direct her, dominate her, punish her or whatever your play is that you care for her she is not going to make it.

A submissive woman can all too easily be thought of as a object, don’t ask me why, but I see and hear of it all too often. While some live to enjoy this objectification many do not enjoy it at all. This is one you need to get figured out sooner rather than later!

A sub more times than not seeks or flat out needs your approval and support, to help her reach her goals, to drive her to success.

If you are new to Dom/sub or BDSM that often is included, learn before trying! Don’t just go buy a big studded leather paddle, tie your SB up, gag her and start swinging away, unless you want to be called bitch and passed around the cell block.

Be open

Be open… minded, to new experiences, to being willing. Everyone has limits to what they are comfortable doing and you shouldn’t compromise that to please someone. Try to take a “try it once and if I don’t like it, never again” attitude.

For me and from what I read, a common trait for a Dom is to want to see his subby happy. So be open and take your pleasure how it comes, or cums haha.

Communicate!

Be honest, be open, help her to be the same. Remember you are dealing with some pretty intense things here, while it can be good to push limits, its a horrible thing to cross them. Safe words and safe actions/signs are vital and should always be checked and confirmed before playing. If you gag her or she will be in a lot of pain, she won’t be able to talk clearly, so put something in her hand and if she drops it, that is your STOP sign.

It can be very hard for a young woman, especially one that is new to this side of her personality to talk and express herself. So use your interpersonal skills to shine here, gently get the information out of her, confirm its correctness and reward her for exposing her vulnerabilities to you and giving you such a deep and private part of herself.

Be VERY VERY careful if you have to reject her. She is opening up a very private part of herself, she is incredibly vulnerable and can be absolutely crushed to smithereens with a “no”. Think before you open your mouth here! Danger Danger and woe be unto him that treads roughly here!

It’s not always fun…

So the yet to be introduced Megan… Very sub from the standpoint of her not wanting to decide ANYTHING!

As aside I find the idea of total submission very interesting, very compelling. The idea of someone giving up total control to someone else goes beyond any normal level of trust. After trying the whole “I don’t want to have to decide anything” with Megan, I have a whole new respect for Masters everywhere, lol. Its a LOT of work!

Lauren pushed my limits several times. I have a sadistic element in me, one that I don’t like, one that took many many years in martial arts to deal with it, control it. She pushed up against that often. When you are a 6’0″ 190lbs and she is 5’4″ and 110lbs, trust me you can really hurt her.

I have a feeling Jaclyn is going to push me too. Our second meeting will include ropes…

Sometimes it’s a great time…

I met Jaclyn on SA. She is a sweet little girl in so many ways. A total Disney fanatic! She doesn’t need makeup and doesn’t wear it, maybe some lipstick or gloss, on a special occasion she will do her eyes too. 5’3″ thin, strawberry blond hair, freckles beautiful toned body. She is pretty inexperienced with men having lost her virginity less than two years ago and not sleeping around a lot. We txt’ed and emailed a LOT before our first meeting and we talked about sex a few times. It became clear to me early on she had a secret when it came to sex. I got her to spill it before we went to bed that first night… She has had a fantasy of being totally dominated by a man. She was very shy and embarrassed even telling me about it, blushing in such a sexy way there was a strong possibility we wouldn’t make it to the movie we planned to see that night, lol. I got her relaxed and we talked about it, I’m the first person she has shared that desire with and now the first person to meet her deepest desire.

Like a lot of young woman just starting to get their sex on she has never been able to orgasm, or at least she doesn’t think she has, either by herself or with a partner. Now there is a “challenge” I absolutely relish!!! That night, she came as close to cumming as she ever has, and I’m 99% sure she will not only have her first “for sure” orgasm on our next meeting, but she will have her first ten!

As I post more intimate experiences you will see that I rarely have full sex with a SB the first few meetings, instead opting for oral and/or manual sex. I have always had a difficult time becoming “completely excited” the first few times with a girl. It takes me time to get 100% comfortable and time to teach my body that this new person can bring pleasure. Now in my later years add antidepressant meds and the problem is exacerbated. It’s not really a full blown case of ED, as I’m very capable of getting hard and cuming with good stimulation with or without the help of a little pill 😉

So my sweet little girl is very shy, doesn’t like to be naked in front of anyone, much less a man she just met in person a few hours ago, its so VERY cute and endearing! So there is something to use in my domination of her. We kissed and touched, and I started a hand job on her, oh my does she get wet! As an aside its seems like every girl I have been with in the last few years can be described as a “super soaker” lol, I love it! So here I am playing with her clit, her moaning a little more than softly, completely covered by the blankets. It’s time lover…

I grabbed her and “roughly” rolled her to her stomach, forcefully spread her legs wide and kneeled between them. With my left hand I grabbed a big gathered handful of that wonderful long blond hair and pinned her head tightly to the bed, turned to the side so she could breath easily. With my right hand I forcefully jammed two fingers inside of her. A loud moan of pleasure (and pain? she says no, but…) escapes her and makes me think the phone is going to ring any minute with a noise complaint, yes it was that loud, and didn’t stop at one, lol. I used my fingers to work her as yet to be discovered G-spot.

To be clear I can find the G-spot in less than a second, but still to my amazement many of the girls I have been with have heard of it but never knew exactly where and how it felt to have attention paid to it, lol. Don’t you girls read the vagina’s owners manual, us poor guys can only get a operators manual which is a poor substitute. 😉

She started pulling and squeezing the sheets, nope we can’t have that level of freedom here… I grabbed both of her wrists and added them to the bundle of hair in my left hand and pulled hair and hands tight towards the headboard, oh my… “OMG! This is SO HOT!!!” escapes her in a broken and gasping manner. I jammed those fingers in again, faster and faster. Her legs and hips are moving way too much now, so I pushed her hips hard into the bed and tucked her thighs under my knees and went back to “pounding” with my fingers. I’m pretty sure she had an orgasm shortly after pinning her legs too, as she started clenching down on my fingers again and again, a gush of wetness and became too sensitive shortly after that to receive more. The light was too low and her face down I couldn’t see if she flushed as well. I told her I think she came, but she wasn’t sure, and frankly didn’t care as whatever just happened was the hottest thing she had ever experienced and by in far exceeded her fantasies. YES!!!!!!!!

I got off her and very tenderly rolled her over and lay beside her, she rolled to hug me and I took her on over so she was on top of me. I kissed her softly and held her with one hand while gently massaging her scalp. “Oh my poor hair!” as she lets out a delighted giggle. I took my time and softly and tenderly touched, massaged the sore spots and held her. She lay in my arms weeping/crying for a long time. She never thought much about the “after” part of being dominated. I confused to the poor girl, now she doesn’t know which she likes better the rough domination or the tinder loving care shown her after. She will figure out soon enough they are one and the same, inseparable really.